Fear

In my dream-y dreamers group, we’re supposed to share our fears…what keeps us from pursuing our dreams, from stepping out.  So, you tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine!

I am afraid of failing. That makes me afraid of trying.  You know, if you don’t try, you don’t fail.  It hurts to try and fail, so if you don’t try…..well, you know.  Let me say this, too.  I have no good reason to be afraid of failing. My children don’t judge me.  My husband doesn’t judge me.   It’s me. I’m pretty hard on myself;) It’s that inner voice that says “Why bother? You know you can’t do that. Who do you think you are?”  Ugh.  (See Monday’s post.)  What?  You thought I was just talking to you?? How do you think I know all about it?

It’s gradually gotten better as I stop worrying about what others think and start finding my acceptance in Jesus.  I did not say church and I did not say christians, I said Jesus.  There’s a difference.  It’s something I’m struggling with right now.  You know, the difference between Jesus and those who claim to follow him.  Yet they really don’t.  It’s a problem.  But don’t worry….it’s not the first faith crisis that I’ve had.  He’s used to it.   I think that’s what’s helping me.  Really studying the person of Jesus and lining up my life with him and the way he lived, rather than religion.  Making changes.  Living differently.  Sometimes  letting some things go.  We all need to do that sometimes.

I read recently that Jesus’ first miracles broke religious rules.  Touching the untouchables, healing those who didn’t “deserve it”, breaking the Sabbath laws.  I wonder why Jesus would do that?  He broke social protocol, talked to Samaritans and prostitutes.  Maybe he wanted to show us that the law wasn’t the most important thing.  He did come to redeem us, after all.  Not just certain people.  (not just those who look like us, act like us, think like us)    Everyone.

Well, this topic took a left turn.  I hope that’s okay!  But if not, I can handle it!;)

 

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